Back that Thing Up

Ok, this is just weird.

For the second time, my back has ceased up the day before my Good Bite shoot.

Isn't that bizarre?

The first time it happened, a month or so ago, I got really freaked out. It was the day before the shoot, and I had a day of shopping and prep ahead of me. (Warning: slightly graphic, decidedly un-feminine detail approaching in 3... 2... 1...) I got up off the toilet after peeing (agh! There it was!!) and my back froze in excruciating pain. There I was, semi-crouched over the pot, knickers around my ankles, tears starting to collect on the rims of my eyes... now I understood why they use the term "ceasing". You have to stop. You can't do anything. It's as if your back has gone on strike. Painfully.

"WHAT?" I thought. "This has never happened to me in my entire life! Why TODAY?!"

The pain subsided enough for me to straighten up, but I was still spooked, and of course like the big girl that I am, I ran crying to my husby. I know. What a liberated female I am. Go ahead, roll your eyes. I can see you from here!

Anyway, being the wise and brilliant husband that he is, Bren quickly pointed out that it was probably a product of too much stressing over the shoot, and that I needed to stop fretting over finding the perfect dish towels and pot holders, and instead trust that God had it taken care of, that my personality was going to be more than enough for viewers to connect to -- not my pot holders. (I did get the pot holders though. They were gorgeous!).

After he prayed over my back, I proceeded with my day, and actually, despite being on my feet all day and still in pain, I was so very cheerful all day, smiling at strangers and all the rest of it.

Hit pause for a second. To steal a phrase from the guest pastor, Don Williams, at our Sunday gathering this week: "Now, catch this!" (I love that hippy surfer drawl!)

The fact that I was cheerful and still able to function is a miracle. A MIRACLE, people! That's because I am such a wuss that even the slightest bit of pain ruins my mood for the entire day, sort of in that "woe is me" kinda way. And poor you if you happen to cross my path. Hahahahahha! Holla if ya hear me!

And now again, the day before another Good Bite shoot (yippee!), my back has ceased up again.

Not nearly as badly, but enough to remind me to calm down. I had just been on my hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor Cinderella-style, whilst simultaneously salvaging a cast iron pan we found out on the Playa at Burning Man, when UGH! There it was.

And yet again, I am taking it as a reminder that I am fretting about the details too much, because I am lacking faith... lacking faith in my abilities, lacking faith in the fact that God has already taken care of tomorrow, lacking faith all over the place! And that's manifesting in my doing all kinds of unnecessary chores. I will often do a ton of stuff when I'm afraid, especially cleaning. The metaphor is so obvious, I feel trite: take something messy/dirty/chaotic and make it neat/clean/ordered... and it all operates out of fear.

Funnily enough, this morning, I let the Bible fall open because I have lost my place in the reading guide I was doing, and this little verse jumped out at me:

"Ignoring what they said, Jesus told the synagogue ruler, "Don't be afraid; just believe."
Mark 5:36

I guess I hadn't absorbed that message enough. And so, my back has ceased up. But this time, I am taking the cue; I'm sitting down, sipping a little wine, and trusting that His hand is over the next day. And thus, I have a massive smile on the face of my heart.

-x-
aarti