Grumpy?

Are you feeling grumpy?

I have been decidedly grumpy the past few days. Few things bring a smile to my face. My shoulders ache with tension. A grey cloud hovers over me, inducing a spell of sluggish, moody blech-ness. I can't get enough restful sleep. Should a bird sing too vociferously or a door slam too loudly whilst I slumber, I am instantly and irrevocably awake, my brain firing on all cylinders about silly things like what I'm going to have for breakfast, and the emails I have to write; I can't get my over-achieving brain to shut up and go back to sleep.

And just to add insult to injury, purplish-brown circles are forming beneath my eyes, and GASP! I see a fold or two developing under my eyes too. My skin is breaking out, DESPITE the fastidious Proactiv regimen I have been following. It could be that time of the month, although who knows with my cycle. It could also be the time change, the changing weather, confused circadian rhythms... It could be the end of the year drawing nigh, reminding me of how much I want to accomplish before the holiday euphoria sets in and distracts me from the tasks at hand. It could be the overall sense of fear and anxiety hanging in the airspace above the entire world, or the sense that nefarious forces are taking advantage of the fact that the global focus is elsewhere (see here, here,.)

Isn't it funny what you take on, subconsciously or not, as your responsibility when you're in the thick of darkness? I just realised that as I poured over online newspapers, looking for evidence to support my dark dark theories.

Thankfully, I can detach a little from my inner Eeyore, in part because of my morning meditation. I prayed for peace and comfort, because I wasn't sure why I was carrying all this tension around with me. I opened my Bible-reading guide, which told me to flip to Psalm 127, a perfect balm for my irritated heart:

" 1 Unless the LORD builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the LORD guards the city, The watchman stays awake in vain. 2 It is vain for you to rise up early, To sit up late, To eat the bread of sorrows; For so He gives His beloved sleep. "

Or, as the more colloquial but no less meaningful Message Bible puts it so eloquently in the last line:

If God doesn't build the house, the builders only build shacks.
If God doesn't guard the city,
the night watchman might as well nap.
It's useless to rise early and go to bed late,
and work your worried fingers to the bone.
Don't you know he enjoys
giving rest to those he loves?

So I'm just trying to take a little comfort in the thought that I can't do everything, that I'm not expected to do everything, and in fact, if I don't ask God to take part in the labor with me, everything I do is pointless! Even if things aren't going my way, or the way I expected them to go, I have to remember that He's got it, not me. Furthermore, I am trying to let myself believe that God wants me to rest, nay he ENJOYS my resting. Even in the face of all the stuff that's going on, I am charged to find my silent place, make sure I'm plugged into Him, and then... drift off to a happy, peaceful sleep.

Anyway, that's where I am today. How are you?

-x-
aarti