Pigeons on the Pill?

photo from the LA Times

Drastic times call for drastic measures.

The little town of Hollywood has decided to roofie the pigeons in the neighborhood with a birth-control pill. That way, even if they're going at it like, uh, rabbits, they'll have no babies to continue pooping everywhere. Funny, since the neighborhood seemed to love picking up poop; this is my favorite quote from the LA Times story:

"We clean doo-doo all the time and are proud of it," said Laura Dodson, president of the Argyle Civic Assn., the Hollywood group leading the effort to try the new contraceptive.

HUH? Sounds like a fetish to me.

Anyway... listen, I get it. When my mum was working at the Dubai Hospital, just one sight of those flying vermin sent her into a ten-minute tizzy. Pigeon poop is a tiny world of bacteria heaven... which for a hospital is HELL. Mum, being the clean freak that she was (there was no 3-second rule. If your biscuit fell on the floor, it was a goner), she was deadset on exterminating the winged rats. They tried everything: chemical repellents, netting, even broken glass I think. Finally, if memory serves, I think they installed tiny little spikes on every window sill and roof. Pesky pigeons. They are so pig-headed!

But here's the thing: where's my government-issued birth control?! I know I could feign super poverty and run to Planned Parenthood for some free Yaz or whatever cheesy name they've given the latest form. But especially in LA, where hundreds if not thousands of women are working on a freelance basis with no health coverage, couldn't you throw some of the Pigeon Poop Fund toward the needy sexually-active-but-no-i-don't-a-baby women?

My two cents. What do you think?

-x-
aarti

p.s. Bren has a guest spot on a new show, "murder" on Spike. I'm not sure if he's in the premiere episode, but it debuts tonight! Check your local listings! (He OF COURSE plays a homeless guy).